TV en Français
3 March 2014
self-released
2 stars out of 5
Oh, look at that, We Are Scientists have a new record. TV en Français is their fifth studio LP,
and—points for consistency—it’s just as bland and unmemorable as all of their
previous body of work, so forgive me if I get distracted by more interesting
things—such as my half-empty glass of lukewarm water and the small
unidentifiable stains on the wall next to the thermostat—during this review.
The opening track, “What You Do Best,” is a mélange of
several tricks and treats from Antics,
de-clawed and de-boned for your safe consumption. “Make It Easy” is that ‘90s
“alternative pop/rock” song you get stuck in your head sometimes because some
shitty radio station in the convenience store is playing it when you have to
make an emergency run for condoms. You end up belting out the chorus during
your climax, ruining the whole evening and really creeping out your girlfriend.
Sorry, dudes, that song is on this record. It’s gonna make her leave you. Since
the rest of the record appears to be just more alt-‘90s variations, I’m going
to finish my breakfast (sausages, eggs, bagel, random pieces of fruit, lukewarm
water) and ask about you for a
change. How are you doing? How’s the
girlfriend? Was she still in the mood when you got back from the convenience
store?
In conclusion, I honestly have no idea what could have made
those stains. While I was suffering through the last few songs on this record,
I developed the hypothesis that it was aliens, who obviously would be
interested in how hot or cold my apartment is, but I then discarded this idea
after I went to refill my glass of water and was stunned by how much colder
it felt on the lips.
reviewed by Richard Krueger
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