Braid - No Coast

Braid
No Coast
8 July 2014
Top Shelf

2.5 stars out of 5

 

In what qualifies as Braid’s first proper studio LP since 1998’s Frame and Canvas, the bubblegum-emo No Coast isn’t likely to earn the once-almost-relevant band any new fans over the age of 16, but for those still in junior high this record will likely be seen as some sort of life-changing emotional experience. (Hint: it isn’t. Not even remotely. But if you’re 14 then you’re not reading this anyway, so whatever.) The only emotion anyone older would likely experience listening to this is a slight sense of nausea, perhaps coupled with mild skin irritation and minor discomfort in the bowels.

While there are some moments on No Coast that suggest something vaguely interesting musically—“Put Some Wings on That Kid,” “Doing Yourself In”—for the most part the sugary vocals and adolescent melodies are off-putting at best and mass-murder-spree-inducing at worst. If you’re a depressed teen, this is probably right up your alley. And hey, I’m not judging as I used to be one of those too, but luckily for me there was no emo to serve as the soundtrack to self-cutting episodes (don’t worry, Mom, I never did that). I had The Cure’s Faith and Pornography and basically the entire Smiths catalogue to mope along to, and I’m a better person for it. Besides, No Coast isn’t even all that sad, it’s basically just annoying.

And, you know what? Even “Put Some Wings on That Kid” is annoying by the third listen. Sartre’s protagonist claimed that la nausée was caused by those people and objects around him that threatened his identity, but for me it’s this fucking record that threatens to bring up my lunch. I know what you’re thinking: look at the old guy, grumbling about how back in his day he had to take the bus all the way to the nearest record store in order to buy that Seventeen Seconds cassette, when these kids today can just access that shit from the cloud any time they feel like it. And you’d be right. But still, fuck this record.

reviewed by Richard Krueger